just a nice photograph of a ferny grab thats all here til 3 and that’s plenty of time to let us ruin a productive work day

Hey kids you’ve been real good so here’s a lil treat just for you if you remember correctly that skinny dude from @strangerthingstv with prison tattoos won the flop but I’d like to direct your attention to the sheer fucking commitment of the legend in the last clip she gets the win in my book have a nice Tuesday come do beers

With expectations this low you’re sure to be delighted. @bummerburrito is on @doordash in case you were wondering.

Lotta you nice folks have been asking us shit like “What the fuck do you mean Field Day?” It’s like Wet Hot American Bummer but rather than crank out some word salad for you we made a video demonstrating what the hell we’re talking about. 9/3 2pm-Late @betterhalfbar DON’T FUCKIN MISS IT

HEY WHAT UP Y'ALL dust off them speedos and basketball shorts cuz the Little Brother Field Day is back and we're doin it bigger than ever this year. @betterhalfbar against their better judgement is having their dickhead cousins (us) over for a day of cowboy pools, Miami Vices, heavy tunes and truly idiotic bar games. Come watch the chaos unfold and shotgun Gatorades with us one last time this summer. You deserve it.

NEW COLLAB BEER DROP INCOMING In our latest edition of "what if beer but taste like cocktail" with our fam at @holdoutbrewing we're hitting yall with one hell of a summer crusher. An homage to everyone's favorite sugar-averse boozehound writer (it's Hemingway, duh, read a fuckin book), this super-dry blonde ale is packed to the gills with lime puree, grapefruit puree and dried cherries. It tastes like a daiquiri and it's an absolute pounder so come get it before we shotgun all of it ourselves ✌️

*UPDATE* Local doom titans @monte_luna_tx are filling the fancy cocktail room with sonic smoke THIS TUESDAY. Smashy burgs rumplemilks and lotsa other nonsense awaits. Y'all ain't gettin another chance to shotgun beers and rip ice luge shots at a space this nice again (they'll prolly 86 us all then burn the building down) so DON'T FUCKIN MISS IT!

we get it dawg 🍻🐶😅

NEXT MONDAY (7/31) our very own resident cocktail badass Kelly (the one with the big scary dinosaur gun) and our friend Marisa are taking over the goon garage with some much-needed feminine energy. Lots of fun technicolor bevvies, femme-fronted metal/hardcore blasting all night and cameos from the killer women who run the shit down here on Rainey Street. Get your ass out here and show some appreciation. Party starts at 6 🔥🔥🔥

HEY DON'T FORGET next Monday @chefbaratx takes over the goof garage with some high-class fuckery. Bevs include "Bone Apple Tea," "Peanut Giorgio" and a Vanilla Coke Sbagliato and chef Julio will be cranking out some killer bites to keep you drunk idiots fed. Everything's like $80 but it's all 80% off for Happy Hour. It's basic math that adds up to you getting fed and fricked up on a Monday night. See yall there don't not come 🤙

TIGER'S BLOOD SNO-CONE DAIQURIS FEATURING @donqrum @bolowlife ON THE BIG BAD ICE PULVERIZER TOMORROW ONLY GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE 5PM

HOWDY FUCKERS we're throwing a big dumb idiot pool party on July 4th at 5pm. We got truck pools kiddie pools water balloons sno-cones hot dogs and lotsa other bullshit to keep ya cool and annoy your friends. We heard that @badlarryburgerclub is throwing a Big Dumb Idiot pool party earlier in the day so go hang there get a selfie with @bennygabagool and show it to us for a 5¢ Hurricane Otter Pop. See y'all there bring swimmin shorts and a cheeseburger ✌️