KADDIE

one year ago today i woke up in a new city, slightly hungover from an endless night of goodbyes with my closest friends in berlin. all alone with my cabin-sized (emotional) baggage. i promised to turn this relationSHIP around, let the wind blow into the sails and direct me. i promised to be pirate level brave enough to bless this mess. i've always wondered if it would be possible for me to just pack my laptop and brains and live and work from wherever. with my head in the clouds. and since it’s hard for me to make space in my life for anything unless i make it ‘work’, i called it ‘the unsettling project’ and wrote myself a briefing - the KPI: live and embrace this imperfect life, make it as unpredictable as possible. there’s nothing more unsettling than that. the only constant in my life is the variable. read that again. i quit attempting to ‚fit in’ and to live by the conventions that create an illusion of stability. i’m not ready to arrive at any particular destination other than: a happy life, lived to the fullest. this account is my diary and when i scroll through it, i feel I have never seen a happier version of myself. the photos are curated but the happiness is real. and when I’m scrolling through my camera roll I’m realising that some of my favourite shots have countless negatives that i dismissed because I felt too ugly, fat or fake and guess what: 6 months later i think all of these negatives are flawless. when i look at them i no longer see floppy skin or bad angles, all i’m thinking is; wow, I look really, really happy. in all of them. so there’s still a lot of growing to do, but sometimes a little distance and time shifts everything into a clearer and realer POV. thank you for following my journey for this whole year. can’t wait for what’s next: #unsettling there‘s an update: i no longer have a flat in berlin, i’m officially homeless. everything i own fits into three boxes I’m storing at my mama’s house. and since i have to be a citizen somewhere, i’ve chosen this little fisher village in portugal called olhão -

@heygoalgirls in #hamburg • sooooo, it feels like i really figured out how to just ‚do my thing’. but alongside lots of other amazing people also ‚doing their thing‘. and our ‚things’ are kind of the same (or en route) so we‘re just gonna get in formation and fly together like birds in a flock on a perpetual journey. @kajdaserio @iamtabeasophia @leanne.deliah @helloevi i‘m not sure the world is ready for 99 of us • #goalgirls #creativecollective

Camera Roll Week 105/106 of ‚The Unsettling Project‘ • Berlin >> Hamburg >> Scheessel >> Hamburg • the last couple of weeks were all about @heygoalgirls. but the softness of the current dorfmädchen era with some big, thunder moments and lightning… all contributed to that beautiful weather inside my head this morning. #theunsettling #girlunsettled

emotionally hungover after this hurricane of feelings 🌪️ • if glitter, sparkles, mosh pits, cartwheels, carousels and supernovas are ‚too much’ then i’m it • @hurricanefestival #hurricanefestival #girlunsettled #theunsettling

🌪️ like a hurricane 🌪️ • @hurricanefestival with @iamtabeasophia • #hurricanefestival

a little soft serve 🍦in case things feel hard for you right now • #staysoft #girlunsettled

Camera Roll Week 103/104 of ‘The Unsettling Project’ • sprinting between Berlin, Hamburg and Scheessel to research, dance, cook, create and #girlrest (hard) • #softgirl

SAD POST: it‘s days like these that make it IMPOSSIBLE to be in the body of a woman. being violated and objectified is a corrosive wound that leaves a permanent scar on your soul. and sometimes you only feel it years later. you realise how much even little acts of mysogyny have messed with your sense of self. when you’ve grown. when you’ve learnt to love yourself. and it seems like society is making it impossible for women to do that. it’s not impossible though: let‘s not get too caught up in personifying the problem but instead uncover the structures that have brought these predators, abusers, monsters about. this is the time to stand together, dismantle and rebuild. this is a painful but also a relief for all women who have suffered from these misogynistic structures. it took me years to figure out: ‚pretty privilege‘ doesn’t open doors to fun and cool experiences, it’s a symptom of misogyny. ‚access all areas‘ ultimately denies you access to respect and love for who you really are - and it‘s yet another building block to this unequal structure we live in. (i‘m sad and angry today and this is the filter i use, let’s call it ‚portrait of a woman in the patriarchic era‘) to all my friends around the world: Germany might finally have its own real #metoo wave - #rammstein

birds flight out 🪽 winging it in #hamburg with dove @iamtabeasophia 🐦‍⬛ • #girlunsettled #theunsettling

home for ze spargelzeit 🌳🍃• #girlunsettled #theunsettling

#scheessel smells like grandma‘s pancakes, sounds like a whole album by maximo park (‚our earthly pleasures‘, 2007) and feels like a breezy midnight bikeride for two. ‚did we go too far is that why your nose is bleeding? Last night I dreamt we kissed on a bench in the evening‘ @maximoparkofficial #girlunsettled #theunsettling #home

Camera Roll Week 102 of ‘The Unsettling Project’ • Olhão >> Hamburg >> Berlin >> 📍Hamburg (and: #Scheessel) all the heimat feels for me this week please, thank you. and i lost my phone somewhere in the borchi abyss in berlin (ugh), so just catch me in my DMs. ❤️‍🩹