I would like one (1) attention, please. Thank you in advance for your cooperation in this matter.

I'm watching the debate drinking a Corpse Reviver Number 2. A funny joke would be to say that I'm drinking it because Joe Biden is basically just Weekend At Bernie's-ing his way through the nomination, but I don't REALLY think that, it's mostly just a delicious cocktail. 1oz gin 1oz Cointreau 1oz Cocchi Americano 1oz fresh lemon juice Dash of absinthe Shaken and served up Put a little absinthe in a chilled glass and swirl it around. You want to smell it more than you taste it in the drink. Put everything else in a shaker with ice, shake it hard, and strain it. Garnish with a twist of orange (I didn't have an orange, so I used lemon). It's sweet and sour and herbal and delightfully citrus-y. I'm posting this instead of paying attention because Oh My God this sucks to watch...

good moon

20,000 people knelt on Hollywood Blvd tonight to honor and demand justice for #GeorgeFloyd and #BreonnaTaylor and #AhmaudArbery and all the other black people killed by white supremacy. I was lucky to be among them. Don't stop showing up! #blacklivesmatter

Black Lives Matter. Direct action rules. Stay in the streets!

There's still lots of work to do this week. There's still lots of work to do for the rest of our lives.

I personally think you should make a spicy whiskey cocktail! AND I think you should use @joeyshotsauce to do it! 2 1/4oz overproof bourbon. 1/2oz honey syrup. 1oz grapefruit juice. 1tsp Joey's Hot Sauce. Shaken and served up I ripped off the idea for a hot sauce and whiskey cocktail from a drink David Wondrich used to make at the Chickenbone Cafe in Brooklyn called The Bone. My version accidentally ended up being basically a spicy Brown Derby, which  was invented at the long-defunct Brown Derby Restaurant. It's aggressive and peppery, which is how I wish people would describe me. Whiskey and fruit cocktails are tricky. Whiskey is so complex that making sure the fruit doesn't clash with any of the flavors is tough. I use high proof bourbon, Wild Turkey 101, so that the alcohol doesn't get too diluted by the juice. The honey syrup is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. Honey syrup is 1 part honey and 1 part hot water (regular honey doesn't like to blend in drinks). The vanilla and floral notes of the honey bridge the divide between the woodiness of the bourbon and the tanginess of the grapefruit, and swapping in sugar or leaving the honey out would throw the drink out of balance. I do grapefruit juice with this because it's so good with chili peppers and because Wild Turkey has a cinnamon-y taste, which is grand with grapefruit as well. That bourbon/honey/GF combo is what works so nicely in a Brown Derby. Joey Repice is a dear old friend of mine. He's the guy who taught me how to bartend, and now he's making some KILLER hot sauces. They're handmade with great ingredients, and they taste f-ing fabulous. Check out their line if you're looking for something spicy and special (spice-cial?...No. Forget that.) I'm specifically using his Priscilla The Creeper sauce because it has sweet red and yellow peppers in addition to hot chilis. It's bright and vegetal and roots the whole drink in umami that plays off the sweeter ingredients. It has just enough salt and vinegar to be interesting without overpowering, plus it has turmeric, which is so refreshing with citrus. If you want a spicy cocktail that's complex and unusual, try it!

Another sweet cocktail? You bet your ass! Make yourself a Cherry Gin Rickey! You're gonna need cherry syrup.* I make mine out of the morello cherries in light syrup from Trader Joe's. I bought them once and they kind of sucked. They weren't cherry-y enough. So I dumped the whole jar, syrup and all, in a blender, blended it smooth, and put it all in a saucepan to reduce. It rules. Simmer it until the liquid is reduced by half then pour it right back in the jar to keep. I add cherry brandy and almond extract to mine while it reduces (almond extract is actually made from cherries and peaches [more on that in a minute]) but it's not a must. For the cocktail, put the following in a shaker 2.5 oz of gin .5 oz of peach schnapps (which won't taste like peach in the drink, it'll just up the stone fruitiness of the whole thing) .75 oz of cherry syrup 1 oz of fresh lime juice (this is a lot of lime! But it'll cut the sweetness of the other ingredients, and a Gin Rickey should be lime heavy anyway...) Shake that well. Pour it into a Collins glass full of ice- or whatever glass you've got full of ice- and top it with 2-3ish oz of club soda. Don't like gin? Use blanco tequila! It would probably be lovely with rye, too, though very different. You COULD use rum, but that might be awfully sweet. Don't use vodka. Vodka sucks. *grenadine is not cherry syrup. It's pomegranate-flavored. It would probably be great in this, though. Use .25 to. 5 oz, depending on how sweet your grenadine is

Look, we all knew this day would come. Frankly I'm just glad we have it behind us now and we can all move on with our lives

Underrated: dessert cocktails Make dessert cocktails! My record as a drinker speaks for itself. I'm no-nonsense. I can hang. But not everything has to be dry and dour and strong all the time. Have a treat! You'll enjoy it! This is a grasshopper. It's equal parts creme de cacao, creme de menthe, and heavy cream (yes, damn your eyes, full-fat heavy cream!) I rimmed it with crushed oreos because I know what's good. It's minty and rich and has more calories than Thanksgiving dinner. None of us are coming out of this skinny. Try one! Don't have liqueur? Get liqueur! You'll enjoy it! Enjoy yourself.

Well, I've found the stupidest problem about being laid off: this from-life painting of my dick and balls We did a branded video where I posed- actually posed- as Napoleon with no pants on. It was at the office but the office is no more. It's way too nice to get thrown away, so now I just have a massive (*front door for scale) painting of my cock in my studio apartment. There's nowhere this can possibly go. It's by @joeyunlee who is incredibly good and very fun and game in the video. Now I have what is certainly his dumbest canvas

I hate to see it go, but I love to watch it walk away 😉😉😉 Thanks for the memories!