Seetal Savla

In some South Asian cultures, we say that Lakshmi, the Goddess of Wealth, blesses your home when a daughter is born. A week ago, Lakshmi paid us a visit and we've been feeling very fortunate ever since. Born as the sun rose over Berlin, Meghna Valentine has brightened up our lives while turning everything upside down, like a tiny tornado. And we couldn't be happier. Birth story to follow when I have the time and energy to string more than a few short sentences together. For now, though, we're counting our blessings that our little fighter made it into our arms safely. She may be small, but she's mighty. 🌈✨ . . . . . . . #SavlaFaire #rainbowbaby #goddessofwealth #newbabygirl #mydaughterandme #pregnancyafterloss #pregnancyaftermiscarriage #fertilityjourney #infertilityjourney #ivfjourney #ttcjourney #berlinbaby

In my latest article for @womenshealthuk, I explore the complex reality of pregnancy after multiple failed IVF cycles and miscarriages (link in my bio). To paraphrase @one_in_seven on the @finallypregnant podcast, "You think your journey's going to end when you get your positive pregnancy test, but it's just the beginning. There are so many hurdles to overcome." (Shema also speaks about parenting after loss, another subject which needs more airtime.) Hurdles like the all-consuming anxiety prior to every scan. Like the constant fear of hearing heartbreaking news again. Like the overwhelming feeling of powerlessness at all times. Thank you to Julianne of @parenthoodinmind for contributing a psychologist's perspective of pregnancy after loss (PAL), as well as Shema and @andruhome for sharing their experiences (on the Finally Pregnant podcast and in @browngirlmag respectively). As always, I hope this article comforts those navigating PAL, and is informative for anyone wanting to learn more about it. 🖤 . . . . . . #SavlaFaire #womenshealthmag #pregnancyafterloss #pregnancyjourney #pregnancyafterinfertility #pregnancyafterivf #pregnancyaftermiscarriage #pregnancybump #bumpphoto #bumppic #mamatobe #mammatobe #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #fertilityjourney #infertilityjourney #ivfjourney #ivffailure #ttccommunity #ttcjourney #griefjourney #browngirlgang #gurlstalk

Pregnancy after loss (PAL). There's a heavy history behind this bottle. It was given to us by my in-laws in 2010 to celebrate Neil and I buying our first home. We'd planned to open it when they came round for dinner, but then we didn't. As time went by, the unspoken understanding was that we'd open it to celebrate achieving our next milestone - Baby Savla. When we found out I was pregnant on Christmas Day 2015, we thought 2016 would be the year we'd finally dust it off. It wasn't. Instead, the layer of dust thickened over the next 4 years, its presence reminding us of our seemingly unobtainable dream. In late 2020, I dug it out to bring to Berlin for Neil's 40th. Goodbye fertility failures, hello new decade for him and a new start for us. We couldn't open it. It had become so strongly associated with Baby Savla that we couldn't switch the reason for celebration. When DEIVF was successful in 2021, we were cautiously optimistic about popping the cork in January 2022. That glimmer of hope died the moment our baby's heart stopped beating. And yet 2022 might still be the year it happens. Against all odds, we are pregnant. Even though I've had some time to adjust to this beautiful surprise (I'm well into my second trimester), I'm still struggling to say and write this loaded word. To believe that nature has given us this gift. To manage the constant fear and anxiety that it'll be ripped away from us again. To honour the memory of our babies who couldn't stay. To not let "survivor's guilt" overwhelm me. To allow myself to embrace the happy emotions - excitement, joy, hope - and limit the catastrophising. I'll talk more about navigating PAL soon, but I don't know how much I'll share beyond that. Maybe lots, maybe very little. Either way, if it's too much for you, please protect your heart. I've muted and unfollowed accounts, and still do - I understand. I can't thank you all enough for keeping me going, and am rooting for you. ❤️

The silent seconds that passed before we were told our much-wanted baby's heart had stopped beating felt like hours. Almost 2.5 years later, I still remember every detail of that day. While these memories are no longer at the forefront of my mind, they resurface every now and again. Sometimes I expect their reappearance, like when I revisit my gynaecologist, who simultaneously broke the news and our hearts. Or when I walk past the park where I sought solitude and solace among nature in the painful days that followed. But then there are times when they catch me off guard. A character in a TV show or film loses their baby. A podcast interviewee shares their story of loss in tears. In these moments, I cry for what Neil and I suffered, for what could've been, for who I was, and who we were. To paraphrase @mother_pukka, losing a baby means losing a small part of yourself. As many have said already, Baby Loss Awareness Week isn't for those who had to say goodbye too soon. We don't need to be reminded of what we lost because we grieve daily in different ways. It's for those who haven't had this experience to better understand how it feels to live with this kind of loss. Time doesn't fully heal our wounds. Having a(nother) baby doesn't erase our trauma. A sentence starting with "at least" isn't as supportive as it seems. (In this photo, I was 4-5 weeks' pregnant and feeling anxious yet optimistic.) #babylossawarenessweek #BLAW2023 #BLAW #babylossawareness #babyloss #miscarriage #missedmiscarriage #fertilityjourney #griefisajourney #pregnancyloss

There are so many things I want to say, particularly about parenthood, but my brain feels so foggy these days. Truth be told, I've felt this way for a while, but the past few months have been especially tough for several reasons. I keep telling myself I don't have the time and energy to share. That's not strictly true, though, because the opportunities are there. Yet when they arise, words elude me. I take what feels like forever to write a handful of sentences then end up deleting them as they don't quite convey what I'm trying to say. They sound like a diluted version of what's in my head and heart. Does any of this sound familiar, or am I the only one experiencing their foggy era? So, for now, I'm building a nice collection of unfinished captions in my Notes folder. Maybe I'll complete and post some of them soon. Maybe not. In the meantime, here are some cute photos of my not-so-little baby (technically a toddler now). #brainfog #writersblock #realmotherhood #mymotherhood #rainbowbaby #mydaughterandi #parenthoodjourney #ikosresorts #parentingafterloss #ikosolivia #15monthspostpartum #babybrain

Saturday didn't go to plan. With Neil on a camping trip, I wanted to take Meghna to her first kite festival. Only when we arrived at the closest station, the platform was packed. The police were at the top of the stairs, so I assume they were doing crowd control. I headed for the lift as I'd taken the stroller, but it was out of action. Typical. Meghna was becoming increasingly agitated in the midst of all the noise and commotion. So I sacked off the plan, jumped on the train back and made a spontaneous stop at Treptower Park, which borders the River Spree. As soon as I saw the shimmering water, felt the breeze on my skin and walked along the wide, shaded tree-lined path, my shoulders dropped and the tension melted away. Meghna ran around on the grass and played in the dirt happily before we came across the charismatic street musician @suziefleur. I sat down to listen while Meghna swayed and clapped, charming the audience of all ages with her moves. We were both happy. The day may not have gone to plan, but it was still a beautiful success. 🤍 #bestlaidplans #treptowerpark #shesgotthemoves #mydaughterandi #parentingafterloss #parentingaftermiscarriage #motherhoodjourney #motherhoodmoments #thesimplethings

15 years married today. ❤️ Like all couples, we've faced many challenges over the years, with the last one being one of the toughest. The reality of parenthood is wildly different from the romanticised version of it we'd imagined during our TTC years (that's not to say we're not grateful for our good fortune - more on this another time). Our dates these days tend to be lunches in family-friendly places where our toddler can roam around. We take it in turns to accompany her, so it's rare for us to eat our entire meal together. But today, the stars aligned and we got very lucky - Meghna fell asleep as we stepped off the train, stayed asleep while we ate and woke up as we were leaving. We took a risk choosing a restaurant that's unsuitable for young children, and thankfully it paid off. There's more I want to say, but sleep deprivation has stolen my words, so here's a reel celebrating us. Happy anniversary, husband. 🥂 #15years #15yearanniversary #15yearsago #weddinganniversary #crystalanniversary #anniversaryreels #marriageanniversary #15yearsmarried #husbandandwifetime #wheredidthetimego

Thrilled to be involved with @the.infertile.midwife's Living with Baby Loss live event on 11th October to mark Baby Loss Awareness Week (BLAW).🕯️ Together with the brilliant panellists Dr Michelle Tolfrey (@from_the_other_chair), Alicia Burnett (@midwife_alicia) and Pippa Vosper (@pippavosper), and fellow remote contributor Dr Ria Clarke (@thedoctormummy)), I'll be sharing the ongoing impact of multiple failed IVF cycles and miscarriage. 👉🏽 For more info, and to book your ticket for Sophie's first live panel, head to her bio (@the.infertile.midwife), where you can also order her new book. If you can't make it, it's too soon after your loss(es) or you'd like to learn more about living with baby loss, Sophie has saved her BLAW chats from previous years on her feed (scroll down to watch ours from 2020). I also did a Stories takeover in 2021, which you can find on her Highlights. Tagged here are also some of the many charities who provide support for bereaved parents and our family and friends. Living with loss can feel so lonely, but events and resources like these make it less so. 💛 📷: @mkvphotography #babylossawarenessweek #babyloss #babylossawareness #BLAW2023 #BLAW #miscarriage #ihadamiscarriage #miscarriages #ectopicpregnancy #ectopic #tfmr #lifeafterbabyloss #livingwithloss #stillbirth #neonatalloss #ttcjourney #ttccommunity

One week since my piece on donating our remaining embryos was published in Times Weekend. Huge thanks to everyone who liked, commented, DM'ed and shared - I hope it reached, and continues to reach, anyone who needs to read it. I feel this way about every article and blog post I write. Over the past couple of years, I've written about some of the reasons why there are so few egg donors among South Asian communities, pregnancy after loss, intergenerational experiences of miscarriage in my family and coping with fertility issues as a woman of colour for various publications, and more. If you missed them or want to re-read them, all the links are in my bio. I've also saved a link to my blog post about things to avoid saying to those who are struggling to conceive, e.g. the dreaded "Just relax and it'll happen," and how to be more supportive. I know people mean well when they come out with these platitudes, but their words can feel so dismissive and invalidating. Which fertility-related topics do you think need to be discussed more? #embryodonation #frozenembryos #embryodonationjourney #fertilityjourney #ttcjourney #ttccommunity #donorembryos #donorconception #deivfjourney #ivfjourney #miscarriage #babyloss #pregnancyafterloss #southasian #southasianwomen #fertilityissues #infertilityawareness #ivfcommunity

Ideally, I would've posted about my rainbow baby on the actual day celebrating them (last Tuesday), but life really got in the way. Posting a week late bothered me for a bit, but then I decided to take a "compassionate, life-first approach", as advocated by @alicerosecoaching. I do what I can, as and when I can, and that's OK (I'm writing this for myself and anyone else who needs to read it). In any case, there's no time limit for sharing these beautiful shots by energy reader and photographer @unaoge, taken as part of a trial. She chose the first image as it shows Meghna and I in moving in sync, while I picked the second one because I like how I'm reassuring her that she's safe after having woken up to a new face in a new environment. This was my first energy reading, so I had no idea what to expect. As Meghna slept, Una and I spoke about the messages from my higher self, my spirit baby and the future. Holding my rainbow baby while connecting with the one who couldn't stay was a very emotional, powerful experience. ✨ Have you ever had an energy reading? If so, what did you think of it? If not, would you consider it? 📷: @unaoge (test session, no obligation to post) #nationalrainbowbabyday #rainbowbaby #rainbowbabyday #parentingafterloss #energyreading #energyreadings #feathertattoo #mumandbaby #momandbabygirl #fertilityjourney #ttcjourney #spiritbaby

This weekend, I'm sharing our journey to parenthood and why we decided to donate our remaining embryos to other families in The Times Weekend (link in my bio). As always, I hope my experiences will be comforting to those who have struggled, or are struggling, to conceive. Even with a strong support network, facing fertility issues can be very isolating, particularly when you add in layers of cultural pressures and stigmas. Many suffer in silence, accumulating heartbreaking setbacks and losses year after year. If you can't or don't wish to speak about your pain, I hope my words make you feel seen and understood. Another reason for writing this piece is to raise awareness of donor conception as an alternative path to parenthood, and embryo donation. The latter isn't always possible (donating to research requires linking up with a specific research project working with your clinic, and donating embryos created using a donor requires the donor's consent), but if the embryos won't be used and letting them perish doesn't feel right, it might be an option worth exploring. 📷: @mandeepdhadialla_printmaker #ivfjourney #deivf #deivfjourney #embryodonation #donorembryos #donoreggs #frozenembryos #miscarriage #pregnancyafterloss #rainbowbaby #parentingafterloss #donorconception

When we experienced our first pregnancy loss in 2015, I didn't tell anyone for a while. I needed time to process going from being unsure about wanting a baby, getting excited about the prospect of having one then losing one, all within a week. Then the shame, feeling of failure and anger kicked in. Why did my body disappoint me? What was wrong with me? Was it my fault for leaving it too late? Why did it seem so easy for others? The feelings intensified as we tested our fertility, moved onto IVF and suffered two unsuccessful cycles. After attending a retreat in Gibraltar, I wrote about our struggle to conceive. I thought evacuating my emotions would be cathartic. My aim was never to share my words publicly, but Neil suggested I consider it because reading them might comfort those in similar situations. I published my piece on Mother's Day 2019 (blog post link in bio), feeling vulnerable and expecting backlash about craving attention or disrespecting our families and communities. Only instead of criticism, I received so many messages from family, friends, acquaintances and strangers thanking me for sharing our story. Some felt seen, some felt empowered and some felt more aware. I realised my pain could be transformed into my purpose. I could use it to offer support, educate people and help smash the stigmas that shame and separate us rather than strengthen us. To this end, I started documenting our journey online - a further two failed IVFs, a cancelled donor egg cycle followed by a successful one then a missed miscarriage. When I got pregnant naturally in 2021, I considered leaving the TTC community. Being pregnant after loss was full of fear and anxiety, and I didn't want to be insensitive by discussing these challenges. But if my experiences helped just one person to feel represented and hopeful, it'd be worth it. And so I continue telling my story. Which part of it resonates with you? #SouthAsianHeritageMonth #SAHM2023 #StoriesToTell #OurStoriesMatter #MyFertilityStory #FertilityJourney #IVFJourney #TTCJourney #PregnancyAfterLoss #ParentingAfterLoss #DEIVFJourney #TTCCommunity #BreakTheStigma #SouthAsianWomen #SouthAsianWriters