Jessica Milburn

Did you know I have a children’s book of poems and activities that you can do together with your child? Are you practicing co-regulation with your child? Are you facing resistance when you try? Have you tried practicing during calm times? Little Tip: Children are much more likely to be interested in doing a co-regulation exercise, if it’s something they associate with calm times and not just dysregulated times. Available now through the link in my bio @responsive_parenting or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com #ResponsiveParenting #JMilburn #ParentMentalHealth #MaternalMentalHealth #PostPartum #MensMentalHealth #ParentingLife #HealingJourney #GentleParenting #AttachmentParenting #Attachment #AttachmentTheory #Parenthood #SelfHealing #SelfCompassion #EarlyChildhood #ChildDevelopment #PTSD #CPTSD #ChildhoodMemories #Triggers #HoldingSpace #SelfRegulation #Empathy #UnconditionalLove #Parent #KidLife #AlwaysLearning #PTSDAwareness

Learn more about connection, co-regulation and deepening the parent-child bond in my latest book 👇 Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parent’s Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Link in bio @responsive_parenting or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com⁣⁣ Reviews “Your book is currently changing our lives 🙌❤️🙏” T. Frissora “Absolutely love your book! Thank you for what you do.” KQK “The first book I can’t put down.” S. Cerami “I don’t feel alone anymore!” P. Cassin #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #Somatic #GentleParenting #Dysregulated #Attachment #AttachmentTheory #Parenthood #NervousSystem #SelfRegulation #CoRegulation #ChildDevelopment #PTSD #CPTSD #ChildhoodMemories #Triggers #HoldingSpace #SelfRegulation #Empathy #UnconditionalLove #Parent #KidLife #AlwaysLearning

When parents validate their child’s feelings and try not to change them, they grow-up feeling safe to express their thoughts and emotions. Overtime, we model how to do this in ways that don’t hurt other people. Our children witness us giving them infinite grace and love and they learn they are worthy of unconditional self-love. They learn empathy, compassion, self-regulation and accountability by how we show up in our relationship with them. Learn more about how to self-regulate and co-regulate in my latest book 📕 👇 Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Link in bio @responsive_parenting or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com⁣⁣ #ResponsiveParenting #JMilburn #ParentMentalHealth #MaternalMentalHealth #PostPartum #MensMentalHealth #ParentingLife #Somatic #GentleParenting #Dysregulated #Attachment #AttachmentTheory #Parenthood #NervousSystem #SelfRegulation #CoRegulation #ChildDevelopment #PTSD #CPTSD #ChildhoodMemories #Triggers #HoldingSpace #SelfRegulation #Empathy #UnconditionalLove #Parent #KidLife #AlwaysLearning #PTSDAwareness

Edited to add: before I answer this several times…. Not crying when you leave is NOT a sign of insecure attachment. There is a range of “typical” reactions to the attachment figure leaving, for securely attached children. Age and familiarity with the person and/or place also plays a huge part in their reaction. “If your child cries when you leave the room, it is usually a sign of secure attachment.” J. Milburn I don’t know where this misconception came from but a securely attached child will often signal in some way that they don’t want their attachment figure to leave. It also does not harm your attachment to leave. What can harm your attachment is avoiding those feelings by sneaking off (your avoiding your feelings, not theirs). Also being dismissive and invalidating of those feelings: “don’t be silly, I’ll be right back.” Or “stop crying! It makes mommy sad when you cry. You don’t want me to have a bad day at work do you?” Another thing that can cause anxious attachment quality is if we are really worried and indecisive about leaving them with someone. This is why trust in who cares for our children matters so much because our children can feel our own hesitations. They can’t make sense of it so it just causes them to feel like “this place must not be safe, my parent seems super uneasy.” Instead validate and explain where you are going and when you will be back. Reference: Attachment and Development by Susan Goldberg (2000) J. Milburn @responsive_parenting Learn more about how to hold space for your child in my latest book 👇 Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation Link in bio @responsive_parenting or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com #ResponsiveParenting #JMilburn #ParentMentalHealth #MaternalMentalHealth #PostPartum #MensMentalHealth #ParentingLife #HealingJourney #GentleParenting #AttachmentParenting #Attachment #AttachmentTheory #Parenthood #SelfHealing #SelfCompassion #EarlyChildhood #ChildDevelopment #PTSD #CPTSD #ChildhoodMemories #Triggers #HoldingSpace #SelfRegulation #Empathy #UnconditionalLove #Parent #KidLife #AlwaysLearning #PTSDAwareness

I know every parent is feeling the price of fruit… 🤦‍♀️ Yep 1 sitting with 3 kids… 1 sitting

A child who is not afraid to trigger their parent, likely feels secure in their relationship.⁣ ⁣ Our children are not responsible for our emotional triggers, even when their actions are the trigger.⁣ ⁣ Whenever I notice that one of my children’s behaviours is a trigger for me, I start with me. I look inside to see why I feel triggered. I respond to that feeling of being triggered and THEN I try and figure out what need they are trying to meet.⁣ ⁣ You may think this is choosing myself over my child. I would have thought this before too but actually, I’ve realized, overtime, that when I try to understand my child’s needs, while triggered, I see things differently than I do when I am regulated.⁣ ⁣ So in order to meet my child’s needs. In order to really hear what they are trying to say, I need to respond to my trigger first. Or else, they will not get what they need from me and I very likely will escalate the situation instead, despite every effort to appear calm.⁣ ⁣ Our children will do things that trigger us. It is our job to process the triggers, not expect our child to change, in order to avoid triggering us.⁣ ⁣ ⁣Learn all about common emotional triggers, in parenting, in my latest book 👇⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation⁣⁣⁣ ⁣ Link in bio @responsive_parenting or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com⁣⁣⁣ ⁣ #ResponsiveParenting #JMilburn #ParentMentalHealth #MaternalMentalHealth #PostPartum #MensMentalHealth #ParentingLife #HealingJourney #GentleParenting #AttachmentParenting #Attachment #AttachmentTheory #Parenthood #SelfHealing #SelfCompassion #EarlyChildhood #ChildDevelopment #PTSD #CPTSD #ChildhoodMemories #Triggers #HoldingSpace #SelfRegulation #Empathy #UnconditionalLove #Parent #KidLife #AlwaysLearning #PTSDAwareness

Why do children use a “baby voice” at times? ⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣ Our instinct is to nurture a baby. Therefore, it seems it may be a child’s instinct to act like a baby when they are in need of nurturing.⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣ J. Milburn⁣⁣⁣⁣ Finding it hard to meet your child’s need for comfort when their whining or high pitched voice is an emotional trigger? Want to know how to get everyone’s needs met in those moments and also how to understand why it is so hard for you to connect with them when they behave in that way? Learn more about how to hold space for your child and yourself in my latest 📖 👇⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ Link in bio @responsive_parenting or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ #ResponsiveParenting #JMilburn #ParentMentalHealth #MaternalMentalHealth #PostPartum #MensMentalHealth #ParentingLife #HealingJourney #GentleParenting #AttachmentParenting #Attachment #AttachmentTheory #Parenthood #SelfHealing #SelfCompassion #EarlyChildhood #ChildDevelopment #PTSD #CPTSD #ChildhoodMemories #Triggers #HoldingSpace #SelfRegulation #Empathy #UnconditionalLove #Parent #KidLife #AlwaysLearning #PTSDAwareness

Too often we mistake control for guidance. We micromanage our children’s lives and then feel stressed by all the work we have to do. One of the easiest ways to reduce the stress in your home is to relinquish some of the control you have over your children. Not saying ALL …. Let’s just try some… think of one way you could reduce something that’s commonly stressful by giving up some control over it. When we connect before we correct, we often end up not needing to correct the behaviour because we feel like we understand it. We can try to protect our children without controlling them. We can nurture them without correcting them all the time. You will find yourself correcting. What I’m offering for you to consider is think about how to switch to connection when you find yourself correcting. Learn more about how to reduce correction and increase connection with my latest workshop… The Connect Instead of Correct Challenge! 4 weeks to a more connected relationship with your child Week 1: Try not to correct for a week Week 2: Replace correction with connection Week 3: Reflect on the times your were able to be more connected. Week 4: “Yes Day” (child-led, yes day) and reflection. Link in bio @responsive_parenting or the website www.responsiveparentinginspirations.com #ResponsiveParenting #JMilburn #ConnectInsteadOfCorrectChallenge #SecureAttachment #AttachmentTheory #ParentingLife #GentleParenting #Attachment #Connection #Parenthood #ConnectingWithYourChild #SelfRegulation #CoRegulation #childdevelopment #HoldingSpace #SelfRegulation #Empathy #UnconditionalLove #Parent #KidLife #AlwaysLearning #ChildLed

A child with secure attachment always comes back to their attachment figure, at some point. Not because they feel obligated to do so but because it’s their home. Secure attachment is the bi-product of a relationship built on trust. Learn more about building attachment through responsive parenting and attunement to your child’s needs in my latest book 👇 ⁣⁣ Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parents Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Link in bio @responsive_parenting or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com⁣⁣ #ResponsiveParenting #JMilburn #ParentMentalHealth #MaternalMentalHealth #PostPartum #MensMentalHealth #ParentingLife #HealingJourney #GentleParenting #AttachmentParenting #Attachment #AttachmentTheory #Parenthood #SelfHealing #SelfCompassion #EarlyChildhood #ChildDevelopment #PTSD #CPTSD #ChildhoodMemories #Triggers #HoldingSpace #SelfRegulation #Empathy #UnconditionalLove #Parent #KidLife #AlwaysLearning #PTSDAwareness

“Your child is not disobeying you because they don’t respect you. They just have other priorities.“ Why don’t toddlers “listen” when we tell them not to do things? Toddlers are built this way so that they learn all the things they need to learn as a toddler. “How to behave” is actually subjective and not a skill a toddler needs to progress to the next stage of development. Impulse control, self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy and reasoning will all increase as they age. The learning of these skills can be impacted by personality and environment, yet they are often over-estimated by adults. Just because your toddler has done something once or twice, with guidance or even spontaneously, does not mean they have mastered that skill and can be depended on to employ it, without prompting, whenever needed. Want to find out more about the toddler years? Get the Toddler Workshop Series through the linktree in my bio @responsive_parenting #responsiveparenting #jmilburn

When your relationship has been based more on control, than connection, a change in the control dynamics, may feel like a change in connection too. When the controller feels more connected to the controlled, when they have greater control, a loss of control can feel like a loss in connection. But what they are actually losing is control, not connection. If the controller takes this opportunity to build connection, self-reflect and resist the urge to enforce more control, that may open a window to healing the relationship, and building true, reciprocal connection. We assume that the switch to more responsive and connected parenting will automatically lead to more peaceful and loving interactions with our child and sometimes it doesn’t… at first. There are cycles to break and emotions to heal. We don’t choose this approach because it’s the path of least resistance. Our choice to parent this way is based on our internal moral compass. A belief that children are deserving of unconditional love and acceptance. The goal is not to control our child’s life path. The goal is to develop the skills WE need to support our child on their own unique life journey. Learn more about connection, co-regulation and deepening the parent-child bond in my latest book 👇 Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parent’s Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Link in bio @responsive_parenting or on the Website: responsiveparentinginspirations.com⁣⁣ Reviews “Your book is currently changing our lives 🙌❤️🙏” T. Frissora “Absolutely love your book! Thank you for what you do.” KQK “The first book I can’t put down.” S. Cerami “I don’t feel alone anymore!” P. Cassin If you have read the book, please leave a review on Amazon, Barnes & Noble or the website. #responsiveparenting #jmilburn #Somatic #GentleParenting #Dysregulated #Attachment #AttachmentTheory #Parenthood #NervousSystem #SelfRegulation #CoRegulation #ChildDevelopment #PTSD #CPTSD #ChildhoodMemories #Triggers #HoldingSpace #SelfRegulation #Empathy #UnconditionalLove #Parent #KidLife #AlwaysLearning