I letter to the ocean — Before I jump in, I wait. You let me know when you’re ready to hold me, I let you know when I’m ready to be held. With a deep breath and a heart filled with freedom, I run into your arms. For this moment, It’s just you and me. - permission

Don't run away from what's inside your heart, It will always be right there. Make it a cup of tea, Sit down, Let it know you're listening. Or, that you can talk later. But, don’t run. You need you more than you need anyone else.

I want to tell you that eventually this bumpy road ends. That your worries and suffering may disappear at the next turn. But, I can’t. What I can tell you is that if you can feel your feet on the Earth, your heartbeat in your chest & your breath in your belly, you will always be able to find your way home. — You, are home.

An invitation to breathe. To turn to the unknown and the too-much-knowing with a tender heart. To continue to walk through life, With the knowledge that there is magic out there. There is magic in there. Sometimes it’s covered by a dark cloak, Or hidden behind a boarded window. But if you look underneath, If you look behind, You may be surprised.

there is this notion that being condescending & high handed is a sign of power — I disagree. a concealment of vulnerability & insecurity — I agree. it takes skill to navigate these protective facades, but remember: it is kindness that is power. it is pausing before speaking. it is allowing what you feel to be inadequate or weak to be seen.

•\ R E FL E C T I O N — countless moments that i have stepped in front of a mirror, that i have mindlessly and cruelly undressed - just to scrutinize my body. from little girl, to grown woman. the curves & valleys too prominent, too deep. yet, never enough. for mirrors poorly reflect the soul, the depth of agony, the dying need for love. the true power within. if you truly want to see yourself, and all your worth — look at yourself in the reflection of someone’s eyes. someone who trusts you, admires you, who loves you.

my friend and I went up to a small town the other day and stopped by a little market where they sold variations of “balls”. after seeing how much he liked them and what they sold them for ($😱) I decided to make him some. I planned to stick with the traditional nuts and chocolate version but my imagination got the best of me. LEMONPOPPYSEEDCASHEWPBCOCONUTPROTEIN BALLS (I told you, I went off script here) Balls: 1 cup raw cashews 2.5 T peanut butter 4 T coconut oil 5 (large, pitted) medjool dates 2 scoops @sportsresearch collagen powder 1/2 cup gf rolled oats + 1/4 cup at end* 1/4 cup chia seeds* 1/2 T lemon zest* Glaze: 2 T coconut butter, partially melted 1 T maple syrup 1 T coconut milk 1 t ghee (optional, for flavor) 1 tsp (@frontiercoop vanilla flavoring, optional) 1-2 t lemon zest ____ For balls: Blend all “balls” ingredients in food processor (except “*” ingredients). Once smooth consistency, pulse in “*” ingredients. Roll into balls. For glaze: Melt coconut butter until soft, add remaining ingredients and vigorously stir until creamy and drizzable consistency. Can add more df milk or maple syrup if too thick. Topped w/ poppyseeds and lemon zest. Freeze or refrigerate.

things that make me happy.

I’m attracted to those who have suffered. That look - If they dare hold your gaze, Allow you to see & reflect their souls - That they know. That I know. That fierceness of human longing, Human courage, Human resilience. Ecstasy, That we got through it. Sadness, That we saw it. Joyful confusion, That we feel so much deeper now. I raise my glass to you. Of water, of wine, Of whatever you makes you feel at home. Because, I promise, A piece of my heart is with you. And, yours, with me.

when it’s August which basically means it’s September which basically means it’s October — not a “present moment” mindset but a really good excuse to start using pumpkin pie spice. the house smelled amazing, I definitely put on a sweater only to walk outside and realize it’s still 90 degrees. • garnet + white sweet potatoes, sliced • @organicvalley ghee, melted & tossed • sea salt & pumpkin pie spice, by feel of amount 💁🏼‍♀️ • bake @ 425 for 35-45 min

sometimes you just have to let life break your heart.

I’ve been reading “Women, Food & God” — Part of me wishes I found it in the depths of my eating disorder, Part of me is grateful I’ve found it in my process of becoming a psychologist to help others with eating disorders. I’ve put a small ‘X’ next to mind blowing parts — every page, at least one. ___ But, here I put a ‘!!’: “It is live saving for a child to develop defenses that allow her to leave a situation she can’t physically leave by shutting down her feelings or turning to something that soothes her... Obsessions are ways we leave before we are left because we believe that the pain of staying would kill us.” ___ [The author explains earlier that if pain is too intense during childhood, a child can actually become psychotic or die.] ___ If you are struggling, I want you to take a moment. Sit with that. You may have been saving yourself... you may have been acting as your own superhero. If you were strong enough to save yourself then, I promise you’re strong enough to save yourself now. If you were strong enough to get into it, You’re strong enough to get out of it.