The only picture I took the entire day of Halloween. How is everyone getting their family to dress the same AND smile for a cute family picture??

1st Pic- the most beautiful cake pops ever by @sweetstellatreats Last pic- what they looked like after being in my possession for ONE HOUR. {honestly a pretty good metaphor for what my life feels like right now 😵‍💫} beyond upset and embarrassed, I called my MIL @the_sidelinegoddess to let her know I shouldn’t be trusted with anything much less six children. She then messaged Bonnie and this sweet woman dropped everything she was doing and remade my cake pops. Truly one of the nicest things anyone has done, unexpected and absolutely undeserved. This isn’t an ad and she didn’t ask me to post but I just wanted anyone who saw this picture to know that not only were they delicious and beautiful, the maker has an absolute heart of gold. Thank you @sweetstellatreats for making Nola Belle’s day so special and I promise I’ll never ruin another cake pop! ❤️❤️❤️

Every year on October 23rd I start to brace myself for what the next day holds. Remembering our last days together. Wishing I would’ve said this or done that. Now, 19 years later I’m still doing the same thing, but more than regrets or what ifs, I’m left just sincerely missing someone that left such a huge mark on my life and heart. I go to a Bible study on tuesdays (@awakencharlotte ) and as I walked in I said out loud the same thing I say every year: Please give me a sign that you’re proud of me despite all of my shortcomings and mistakes. That you’re proud of the way I’ve raised our daughter. That you’re as excited to see me as I am you. In return, @elizabethpoplin said the most beautiful words comparing our brokenness to kintsugi pottery, a Japanese art that takes broken pieces and makes them beautiful again. Much like God does for us. We will look different. Our lives will look different. But He will take all of our broken pieces and weave them together in an even more beautiful way that we ever could’ve imagined for ourselves. I miss Ricky every day and I wish he were still here, but God wrote such a story for my life that if it weren’t for Ricky I wouldn’t have met Tyler, the person I was know I was supposed to marry. I wouldn’t have my kids that I know without a doubt were meant to be on this earth for a purpose. October 24th will always be a day of sadness for me and my family, but today I’m choosing to look at it with gratitude for all of the broken pieces God has taken (and is taking!) His time to rebuild. Different. But still beautiful.

If you’re questioning why it looks like everyone has their life together and it seems like you’re a mess, I hope this small snapshot of my life makes you feel better. On our way to drop Nola Belle off to school, one wouldn’t get out of the car and had to be carried by her brother because I was already carrying a baby and have no muscles. One forgot his shoes but remembered his breakfast lollipop 🤦🏼‍♀️and another is questing God as to how he got put into a family with such immature children. I keep reminding myself ITS JUST A SEASON and it’s just not my turn. One day it will be though, and I’ll look back on this video and laugh.

Go sports! 🏈 {haven’t been to a home @panthers game in ages, but drives four hours to ATL with 5/6 kids to watch them play. Anyone else like me and just think of ways to make everything more difficult? 🤦🏼‍♀️ So much fun though just maybe next time we’ll go when they play in Charlotte!}

🧨 tiny stick of dynamite laced with tnt 🧨 {leotard: @jmsd5678 bag: @stoneyclover }

Its going to be better than all right. I took Jones to the ER because of what I thought was a stomach bug, but it turns out he had some scar tissue built up from his last surgery and needed to have surgery again to fix the problem. Thankful for all of the nurses, doctors and surgeons at @levinechildrens for loving on my sweet boy so well. Special thank you to the best pediatrician out there @amoranlanier who I texted and called at all hours to explain to me what was happening in toddler terms because my brain has been mush for the past 18 years, but especially the past couple of weeks🙃 My angel Jones is home and hasn’t stopped smiling since. @mtylerjohnson you’re the best dad and I’m so thankful Jones gets to be loved by you.

I’m so happy I didn’t stop at five. I love you all the way to heaven Jones West. ❤️

First day of school for 2/6 today and I’m already at home missing them, after a summer of wondering how in the world I was going to survive another. full. day. Ricki starts her SENIOR YEAR tomorrow and it’s a constant reminder every day how quick time goes; when I have to remind myself that even on the longest days ever, these truly are THE days. I wish I could freeze time because I couldn’t imagine life getting any better than this. Thoughts and prayers for me tomorrow, as I will be the only mom walking her senior in on her first day of school and hoping my ugly cry doesn’t embarrass her. @mtylerjohnson @rickihendrickk

Will Jones look back at this video when he’s older and wonder how he survived all this chaos? I know I will 😵‍💫 But he finally rolled over by himself and we (kind of) got it on camera!

Pretty sure I’m going to think better of this later and will end up deleting it, but this comment hurt my heart in a way that I really can’t get past. @gienik just remember that even though you may not post your name on your Instagram, it doesn’t mean you can post whatever hateful thoughts go through your head. Hopefully one of your friends or family members in Saskatoon will see this and have a serious talk with you about love and kindness. You are a mother. You should be ashamed of yourself.

love at first sight 🍭